Friday, September 25, 2009

MOMMY DIARIES Part 1: Mom at 20


How many moms do you know? And what kind of moms are they?

I just figured out I should write about moms, since I am already a mom, I have my own experiences to share being a mom.

I had my first born child, (Brien Ken D. Ugaddan) when I was 20 years old.

Of course, being a young mom, I had to experience everything first hand. I felt confident about having my own child but kind of scared at the same time. I have a little knowledge about babysitting because I’m the eldest daughter, but I guess it’s really different because it’s my own child now.

But since, I was a product of a broken family; I swore I’d do everything to have a happy and complete family for my own baby. And I won’t let the things that happened to me happen to him.

Just to share my experience giving birth, I think most of the women who are pregnant would know that they will be giving birth because of their water bag breaking. But mine was different; it was month of December 2008, after dancing and partying because of Christmas celebration. I didn’t get enough sleep because of frequent urination. Good thing I have a scheduled check up with my Ob-gyne the next day.

So the next day, I visited my doctor and she confirmed that my water bag was already leaking but did not break. She instructed me to proceed to the hospital where I should be giving birth because I need to be admitted so that they can monitor the heartbeat of the baby. Because she said that I could be giving birth anytime soon.

Good thing my in-laws prepared the things I need to bring and I just needed to tell my mom to get ready. I called my mom in panic, and cried in excitement. By the time my mom arrived at our place I was ready and waiting at our garage. My mom carried all my things to the car and we drove off to the hospital. After my in-laws settled everything with regards to our finances, I was admitted already.

From 3pm that afternoon, I was experiencing labor pain, frequent contractions… it was indeed very painful when you experienced labor pains. But then, my mother in-law paid for my delivery to be painless, after the tiring labor pains, last thing I remembered was being moved from the labor room to the delivery room. I remember shouting as they said “PUSH”…. and passed out.

Next thing I remembered, my husband was there beside me and my mom. They both said my first born was healthy and very handsome, they said he looks like his dad.

Since everything was ok they allowed us to go home the following day. When they allowed me to see him, and hold him on our way home, I felt so excited… He was so little, he looks fragile and at the same time I felt I was stronger, more inspired and more mature person. I needed to be because I have him to worry about now. It was the most wonderful feeling in this world….

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Falling Star


When I was young I always believed that when you wish on a falling star, it will come true.

I would always look outside our window at night, up in the sky when the night is young, and all the stars are starting to show up. I search for one falling star to grant one simple wish.

Even though I don’t know how a falling star really looks like. I would just wish on every light I see that somehow looks like it’s a star going down or falling.

That one simple wish would be that my mom and my dad will be together again. I grew up not seeing them together, the usual happy family. Where you will go home after school and find your mom waiting for you at the doorstep to ask you, “how school dear?” and then before going to bed your dad, will visit you in your room to wish you goodnight and then kiss you on your forehead. Or, all of you will be sitting down the breakfast table the next Sunday morning, then after breakfast, prepare for Sunday mass.

I see this picture of a nice family, but not in my own home. I see them in most of my friends’, my cousins’ and my neighbors’ houses.

Both my parents had kids, different family. That’s when I realized; it’s never true and will never come true. That “when you wish upon a star” is just for fairytales and my life is not a fairytale.

My life is twisted and cruel. And it doesn’t always have a happy ending. My believing in all those wish on a falling star faded but my FAITH in GOD did not.

So, instead of wishing I continuously prayed. That somehow God will find me worthy of a happy family, that one day I will find a home.