If I am tired and finally sing this song... or do this song?
No Happily Never After Lyrics- Nicole S. of Pussycat Dolls
don't think I want this anymore
As she drops the ring to the floor
She says to herself you've left before
This time you will stay gone that's for sure
And he shouted something as
She dragged her suitcase down the path
Lyrics Provided By ZoneLyrics.net
To the driveway
She had never gone that far
Normally this would be the time that she
Let him talk her out of leaving
But this time without crying
As she got into her car, she said
No, happily never after
That just ain't for me because finally
I know I deserve better after all
I'll never let another teardrop fall
As she drove away she starts to smile
Realized she hadn't for a while
No destination, she drove for miles
Wondering why she stayed in such denial
Laughing about the way he shouted something as
She dragged her suitcase down the path
To the driveway
She had never gone that far
Normally this would be the time that she
Let him talk her out of leaving
But this time without crying
As she got into her car, she said
No, happily never after
That just ain't for me because finally
I know I deserve better after all
I'll never let another teardrop fall
I'm done, I'm done, said, I'm so done
So done, I'm so done
I'm free, I'm free, said, I'm so free
I'm so free, I'm so free
She inhaled an air she'd never breathed before
The air of no drama no more 'cause she said
No, happily never after
That just ain't for me because finally
I know I deserve better after all
I'll never let another teardrop fall
No, happily never after
That just ain't for me because finally
I know I deserve better after all
I'll never let another teardrop fall
Another teardrop fall
I'll never let, no, I'll never let
No, I'll never let another teardrop fall
Monday, December 28, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Mommy Diaries Part 2: Sacrifices
And I quote, “Sacrificing your happiness for the happiness of the one you love, is by far, the truest type of love.”
“We were not ready yet.” This was what I thought when I learnt I was pregnant. Like I said, I was just 20 years old then. I was just on my third year college. I have good grades and I do intend to graduate on time. That was why I didn’t give up school even though I was pregnant.
It was so hard to continue studying while pregnant; some of the students in our school would look at me, criticizing my pregnancy at a young age, some were concerned, and some were admiring my perseverance in pursuing my studies.
Since it was my last year at school, I had my thesis and on-the job training on my curriculum. I took Mass Communication so I had my on-the job training at different fields of Mass communication, Last one I had was at ABS-CBN, studio 23. I had to wake up at 3am; the hardest part of it was that I was already 7 months pregnant at that time. I thought to myself, one more semester and I’m done.
But the thing was… It wasn’t the biggest sacrifice I did for my baby. I knew it was my fault that I got pregnant and I was very willing to take the consequences. I had no problems with finishing school at that time because the parents of the man who got me pregnant (who is now my husband) took responsibility of all my school finances.
So there, my problem was, at that time, I wasn’t sure if my partner was ready to be a dad. He was always sober, he was always into trouble. And was always dishonest, he cheated a lot of times and I was able to still forgive him and stayed by his side… for our soon to be born child. With him I was hurting emotionally, mentally and physically… but I thought to myself I love him and we shall stay together for our child.
It wasn’t an easy sacrifice. I was raised in a broken home. Had a mom and dad but never really saw them together, plus, I was always stuck into making decision who to live with. And of course I don’t want that to happen to my own child. This I have to think about every time I was hurting.
2002, was the year when he (my husband now) became my boyfriend. Then 2004, he got me pregnant. And I guess it took him four years more to be mature and realize I won’t live him and I will stay no matter how bad he treated me. So, it was just last year.
Last year, when we got our love back to being LOVE (not because of our first born), we had our second fruit of love. And then we decided to get married.
I never regret about the pain I endured during the time he neglected my love and my sacrifices for my child because I can see my son happy. And we are now a family. We may not be a Happy family, but at least we are still a family.
Friday, September 25, 2009
MOMMY DIARIES Part 1: Mom at 20
How many moms do you know? And what kind of moms are they?
I just figured out I should write about moms, since I am already a mom, I have my own experiences to share being a mom.
I had my first born child, (Brien Ken D. Ugaddan) when I was 20 years old.
Of course, being a young mom, I had to experience everything first hand. I felt confident about having my own child but kind of scared at the same time. I have a little knowledge about babysitting because I’m the eldest daughter, but I guess it’s really different because it’s my own child now.
But since, I was a product of a broken family; I swore I’d do everything to have a happy and complete family for my own baby. And I won’t let the things that happened to me happen to him.
Just to share my experience giving birth, I think most of the women who are pregnant would know that they will be giving birth because of their water bag breaking. But mine was different; it was month of December 2008, after dancing and partying because of Christmas celebration. I didn’t get enough sleep because of frequent urination. Good thing I have a scheduled check up with my Ob-gyne the next day.
So the next day, I visited my doctor and she confirmed that my water bag was already leaking but did not break. She instructed me to proceed to the hospital where I should be giving birth because I need to be admitted so that they can monitor the heartbeat of the baby. Because she said that I could be giving birth anytime soon.
Good thing my in-laws prepared the things I need to bring and I just needed to tell my mom to get ready. I called my mom in panic, and cried in excitement. By the time my mom arrived at our place I was ready and waiting at our garage. My mom carried all my things to the car and we drove off to the hospital. After my in-laws settled everything with regards to our finances, I was admitted already.
From 3pm that afternoon, I was experiencing labor pain, frequent contractions… it was indeed very painful when you experienced labor pains. But then, my mother in-law paid for my delivery to be painless, after the tiring labor pains, last thing I remembered was being moved from the labor room to the delivery room. I remember shouting as they said “PUSH”…. and passed out.
Next thing I remembered, my husband was there beside me and my mom. They both said my first born was healthy and very handsome, they said he looks like his dad.
Since everything was ok they allowed us to go home the following day. When they allowed me to see him, and hold him on our way home, I felt so excited… He was so little, he looks fragile and at the same time I felt I was stronger, more inspired and more mature person. I needed to be because I have him to worry about now. It was the most wonderful feeling in this world….
I just figured out I should write about moms, since I am already a mom, I have my own experiences to share being a mom.
I had my first born child, (Brien Ken D. Ugaddan) when I was 20 years old.
Of course, being a young mom, I had to experience everything first hand. I felt confident about having my own child but kind of scared at the same time. I have a little knowledge about babysitting because I’m the eldest daughter, but I guess it’s really different because it’s my own child now.
But since, I was a product of a broken family; I swore I’d do everything to have a happy and complete family for my own baby. And I won’t let the things that happened to me happen to him.
Just to share my experience giving birth, I think most of the women who are pregnant would know that they will be giving birth because of their water bag breaking. But mine was different; it was month of December 2008, after dancing and partying because of Christmas celebration. I didn’t get enough sleep because of frequent urination. Good thing I have a scheduled check up with my Ob-gyne the next day.
So the next day, I visited my doctor and she confirmed that my water bag was already leaking but did not break. She instructed me to proceed to the hospital where I should be giving birth because I need to be admitted so that they can monitor the heartbeat of the baby. Because she said that I could be giving birth anytime soon.
Good thing my in-laws prepared the things I need to bring and I just needed to tell my mom to get ready. I called my mom in panic, and cried in excitement. By the time my mom arrived at our place I was ready and waiting at our garage. My mom carried all my things to the car and we drove off to the hospital. After my in-laws settled everything with regards to our finances, I was admitted already.
From 3pm that afternoon, I was experiencing labor pain, frequent contractions… it was indeed very painful when you experienced labor pains. But then, my mother in-law paid for my delivery to be painless, after the tiring labor pains, last thing I remembered was being moved from the labor room to the delivery room. I remember shouting as they said “PUSH”…. and passed out.
Next thing I remembered, my husband was there beside me and my mom. They both said my first born was healthy and very handsome, they said he looks like his dad.
Since everything was ok they allowed us to go home the following day. When they allowed me to see him, and hold him on our way home, I felt so excited… He was so little, he looks fragile and at the same time I felt I was stronger, more inspired and more mature person. I needed to be because I have him to worry about now. It was the most wonderful feeling in this world….
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Falling Star
When I was young I always believed that when you wish on a falling star, it will come true.
I would always look outside our window at night, up in the sky when the night is young, and all the stars are starting to show up. I search for one falling star to grant one simple wish.
Even though I don’t know how a falling star really looks like. I would just wish on every light I see that somehow looks like it’s a star going down or falling.
That one simple wish would be that my mom and my dad will be together again. I grew up not seeing them together, the usual happy family. Where you will go home after school and find your mom waiting for you at the doorstep to ask you, “how school dear?” and then before going to bed your dad, will visit you in your room to wish you goodnight and then kiss you on your forehead. Or, all of you will be sitting down the breakfast table the next Sunday morning, then after breakfast, prepare for Sunday mass.
I see this picture of a nice family, but not in my own home. I see them in most of my friends’, my cousins’ and my neighbors’ houses.
Both my parents had kids, different family. That’s when I realized; it’s never true and will never come true. That “when you wish upon a star” is just for fairytales and my life is not a fairytale.
My life is twisted and cruel. And it doesn’t always have a happy ending. My believing in all those wish on a falling star faded but my FAITH in GOD did not.
So, instead of wishing I continuously prayed. That somehow God will find me worthy of a happy family, that one day I will find a home.
I would always look outside our window at night, up in the sky when the night is young, and all the stars are starting to show up. I search for one falling star to grant one simple wish.
Even though I don’t know how a falling star really looks like. I would just wish on every light I see that somehow looks like it’s a star going down or falling.
That one simple wish would be that my mom and my dad will be together again. I grew up not seeing them together, the usual happy family. Where you will go home after school and find your mom waiting for you at the doorstep to ask you, “how school dear?” and then before going to bed your dad, will visit you in your room to wish you goodnight and then kiss you on your forehead. Or, all of you will be sitting down the breakfast table the next Sunday morning, then after breakfast, prepare for Sunday mass.
I see this picture of a nice family, but not in my own home. I see them in most of my friends’, my cousins’ and my neighbors’ houses.
Both my parents had kids, different family. That’s when I realized; it’s never true and will never come true. That “when you wish upon a star” is just for fairytales and my life is not a fairytale.
My life is twisted and cruel. And it doesn’t always have a happy ending. My believing in all those wish on a falling star faded but my FAITH in GOD did not.
So, instead of wishing I continuously prayed. That somehow God will find me worthy of a happy family, that one day I will find a home.
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